Some of you might be wondering where the Cork stories went.
Don’t worry, I’ve got more. I’ll start posting them again soon. The same thing happened with me that always happens with me: I commit myself to a schedule, I follow it successfully for a little while, and then one week I forget. And then I feel bad I forgot, and feeling bad about it keeps me from posting again until next week. And then I forget again, and the cycle repeats until I’ve missed, like, four weeks straight, and I throw my hands in the air and ask why I’m even bothering anymore. No one reads these things anyway, right?
Well…no, I know a few of you do. So don’t worry. The Cork stories will return. I just…I could really use someone to manage stuff like this for me. I swear, if I ever do become a successful writer, one thing I’ll invest in is hiring someone to post stuff like this for me, as well as come up with some more types of content to keep people engaged. Soon as I can afford to pay someone like that, believe me, I will!
Anyway, enough about that. How’s the actual, serious writing going, I hear you ask? Well, there’s been some good, some bad. First, I’ve finished my latest editorial pass on The Ravage. That means I just need to write up a couple synopses and a query letter, and then I’ll be ready to start querying agents. I have to admit, though, I’m a little scared. It’s been years since I’ve queried agents. Last time I tried, I got a whole lot of nothing from every agent I asked. That was six, seven years ago; my writing’s come a long way since then. I’ve had feedback from two pro editors, read a lot of pieces from actual agents talking about what they look for in a pitch, read even more stuff about writing, what works, what doesn’t, so on, so forth. What I’m worried will happen, though, is I’ll write the synopses, the query letter, start querying agents again, and then…just nothing. Crickets again.
Of course, I’m keeping my expectations realistic. I’m not expecting to get a yes from any of the agents I ask. Or, if I do, it’ll be, like, the 300th one I ask, or something like that. What I’m hoping for this time, though, is a bit more encouraging feedback. Some more personal responses. Anything but the tidal wave of either no response or, even worse, the dreaded form response. You know, the good old classic thank you for querying us about your book. Unfortunately, it does not suit our needs at this time, but we wish you the best of luck in your search! Make no mistake, I’m expecting my share of those, but it’d be nice if I got something positive out of this. Some sign I’ve actually progressed from where I was circa 2018.
At the end of the day, of course, I write because I love it. On some level, I can’t not do it. I tried, you know, back in 2022. The year I almost gave up. After getting that editor letter for Kosan, I didn’t write anything for a good two, three months. But eventually, the stories started scratching at the inner walls of my brain, screaming to be let out. And then, not long after that, I read A Song of Ice and Fire, which reawakened my passion, and the rest is history.
But, as much as my writing is a work of love, I still want to get it out there. I’ll admit part of it comes from a desire to prove myself, to show myself I wasn’t an idiot for thinking I could do this. And I’ll admit, too, that part of it comes from the sunk cost fallacy. Since, you know, I’ve been writing for 15 years. But more than anything, I’ve always wanted to write something that makes someone feel the way I felt when I first read my favourite books. Much as I’m a reserved and introverted person—and this is one of the paradoxes that defines my inner nature—I’ve always wanted to create something that lots of people love and want to share in. To add meaning to people’s lives, or at least entertain them enough to help them forget their problems for a few hours.
But getting nothing but silence from agents again, after all the work I’ve put in, after all the learning I’ve done…I don’t think it’d break me. Not completely. But it would be another sign that maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Maybe I was stupid to think I could do this. And maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself, admit I was wrong, focus on a stable career and move on with my life.
But, well, like I said before, I can’t not write. I’ll always be writing in some form. And most authors struggle with feelings of inadequacy, even the ones who’ve “made it.” And this industry is incredibly hard to break into. So, like I said, it’s unlikely I’ll give up completely. I’ll just have to recalibrate my strategy somehow. Reconfigure. Refocus.
Alright, well, this post is already running long, but I’ll give a brief word here on how work on my novels is coming. Probably to no one’s surprise, I had to pause work on Bezok’s Wrath. The story issues were just piling up too much. I didn’t feel like I could push through them anymore. And so, I decided to shelve that book for now, and turn my attention to Blueblood instead. I did decide, after one more read-through of what I had so far, that Blueblood should be a trilogy, and not just one book. I just need to finish off a couple chapters I left hanging while I was writing it last, and book 1 draft 1 will be done. And then, after that, it’ll be time to work on part 2. Will I get through the whole draft all at once? Knowing me, probably not, but hey. Like I said a while back, that might just be how I write. And the advantage to not being published is there’s no expectations. I have no deadlines, no sequels I have to finish by X date. I can write whatever I want, whenever I want.
So, hey. Silver linings and all that.
Anyway, I think I’ll leave things here for tonight. Hope all of you reading this are doing well. And I hope you’re making time for your passions, too. Whatever those are. Oh, and as always: have fun, stay safe, keep reading.
