Hey all.

I was debating whether it was worth doing a writing update as my “comeback” post. Just a casual “hey, here’s how things have been going” sort of post, just to try and get myself back in the swing of things.

But that’s not what I think I need.

Truth is, things have been rough, writing-wise, over these last few months. Hell, this entire year has been pretty rough writing-wise. I did get the Kosan rewrite done—that’s a plus, I guess—but after that, I kept getting stuck on book after book.

Combine that with how relentlessly busy grad school has been, and the recent wave of agent rejections I’ve gotten, and it’s been tough.

Maybe I’m making excuses. It certainly feels that way sometimes. All I know is that, as October stretched into November, I was having lots of days where I’d sit down to write, then just sit there in front of the screen and start thinking about all the ways my story doesn’t make sense. I’d sit there for half an hour, an hour even sometimes, and just…get more and more agitated over the fact I wasn’t writing anything.

Which was not how I wanted this year to go. Every year, I set writing four books as my goal. I’ve never met that goal, and that’s fine: in the past it’s helped motivate me to at least try to write more. And, up until this year, that system has worked well. Since 2020 I’ve written 1.5 to 2 books a year, which is not too bad, all things considered. I’d love to write even faster, sure, but if I can keep up a 2-book-a-year clip, that’s really not too shabby.

This year, though, I’ve finished nothing new. I tried to write Procurers 2, then got stuck maybe halfway through. Then I tried writing Blueblood 2, and got stuck maybe a third of the way through. Then I tried starting Ravage 2, but even there, nothing was flowing. I just…couldn’t get into the flow of writing like I usually could up to that point. Every time I tried, I just ended up getting overwhelmed by self-doubt, then kicking myself for not doing more.

This went on for a while. Eventually, my girlfriend suggested I take a break from writing. Part of me really didn’t want to do that; soon enough, though, I saw the wisdom in her words, and did indeed decide to take a break. I’m not sure how long that break will last; I’m starting to get that familiar itch again, but I’m a little nervous that, if I sit down to write again, I’ll just get stuck after three or four days again.

It’s not just the writing itself that’s giving me fits, though. Keeping up with this blog has been tough. You can see that just from how long it’s been since I posted last. And it’s not just how busy the rest of my life has been (though that’s definitely part of it); I’m also starting to question the value and purpose of writing here at all. Originally, I’d hoped to grow my audience a little through writing here. I thought I was being realistic with it: I knew that, if I gained any new readers, it’d be at a trickle. Especially before I ever actually got published; before then, maybe I’d get 5 or 10 new readers a year, especially during that first year or two.

But, as far as my analytics are telling me, I’ve gained pretty much zero new readers since I started this blog. I know a lot of that comes down to my marketing ineptitude; marketing myself (and indeed marketing in general) has never been one of my strengths. And it’s not like blogs about writing tend to set the world on fire in terms of engagement anyway. Blogging itself is kind of passe, and has been for a while. But I still thought I’d maybe get a handful of new readers.

Alas, no. I started this blog three years ago, and I feel like I’m still pretty much where I started.

Now, I’m not disbanding BS&K. At least, not yet. But I need to take a step back and figure out whether this blog is really doing anything for me. And if I decide to keep it, I need to figure out a new approach. Because when it comes to both my writing itself and my career as a writer, I feel like I’m at a crossroads. And until I figure out what my next steps are, well…everything will stay up in the air.

Well, except that I’m gonna write. That won’t change. Eventually I’ll get back in front of the keyboard and slam out another book. You can take that one to the bank.

On that note, I’ll let you all go for now. Oh, and one more thing, of course. No matter what the future holds for BS&K: have fun, stay safe and keep reading!